Repairs
by RedYote
Summary: Following Thessia, Admiral Hackett orders Shepard and her crew to head to the Citadel for mandatory shore leave. But can the Commander truly relax while the galaxy is falling apart? Will the galaxy even let her relax? Contains spoilers from Citadel DLC.
1. Chapter 1

So many people had been lost. Grief was ripping through the ranks faster than any disease, shaking soldiers and civilians alike to their core. You could fight for a cause, believe that you could make a difference, but when that report came to your inbox and you learned the truth, that another planet had fallen, that people that were supposed to meet you at the end of the war wouldn't be able to make it...that faith was shaken.

Too many reports had gone out. She saw it every time she was on the Citadel. Shepard had known the war against the Reapers would be costly, but she hadn't see far enough ahead, hadn't seen what this kind of attrition would do to people. There was an emptiness in the eyes of the people that crowded the docking bays, people who had been there too long without word from their loved ones. Their despair shone as raw as any wound, an aching emptiness that threatened to devour them whole.

The dreams were the worst part. She had been avoiding sleep as long as she could, but when her body could take no more and she passed out, the nightmares pounced on her. It was a recurring theme. Lost in a forest, surrounded by shadows, with the voices speaking all around her. As the war had worn on and she had lost people close to home, she began to hear them through the cacophony of sound. Mordin. Legion. Even Kaidan, whose death had haunted her occasionally for the better part of three years, had come to add his questions to the chattering.

The more she tried to help, the louder the voices became. She thought Omega had been bad with the adjutants. Meeting Nyrene and then seeing the way she went out hadn't helped. Her fingers drifted to her face, tracing the seven-inch scar from above her left eyebrow to her right cheek. The damned things had been able to see through her tactical cloak too, an oversight that had led to three cracked ribs and a week off from active duty while she healed. She wasn't sure what had been worse, the pain or the gnawing need to get back out there.

But even the pain of internal injuries hadn't compared with the staggering loss on Thessia. The screams of the banshees mingled with those of the dying until it branded itself in her consciousness, following her off the planet for hours afterwards. Seeing Liara broken like that had shattered the part of her that was trying to be strong for everyone in the war. If she couldn't even help her own lover, what good was she to the rest of the galaxy?

Liara was helping the refugees from Thessia with her influence as the Shadow Broker, but Ferik had to rely on whatever support she could scrape together. She wanted to hide away from the war, pretend that nothing was happening like the people in the Praesidium Commons. Ignorance was bliss until you saw what the Reaper-turned populace did to those who thought they could hide from the storm.

She had been staring at the reports flooding in, numbly totalling the reported casualties after their defeat on Thessia by Cerberus, when the comm in her room crackled to life.

"Commander? Admiral Hackett would like to speak to you in the comm room." Specialist Traynor, always monitoring the channels. She had been an invaluable asset in saving lives and ferreting out hidden data.

"I'll be right there." Ferik moved like a machine, dragging herself to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face in an effort to stave off the exhaustion that wanted to pull her back to the land of nightmares.

Traynor's look of concern as Shepard exited the elevator was barely noted. The Spectre knew she looked like hell. There were dark circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess, and she couldn't remember the last time she had showered. Hackett was waiting though, and she used his presence as an excuse to move past the specialist without explaining herself.

Hackett's hologram flickered into existence a little blurrier than normal. Was communication getting more difficult, or was the lack of sleep playing tricks on her mind? She pushed the question away and stood at attention.

"Sir, you wished to speak with me?"

"I did. I received your report about Thessia. I understand that an important piece of information regarding the Crucible fell into Cerberus' hands."

Ferik winced. She knew she'd have to face the Admiral sooner or later, but it felt like salt being poured in an open wound. "...that is correct, sir. We were ambushed by Kai Leng. He had backup. We fought back, but..." Her throat caught. She swallowed hard and forced the words out. "We lost the intel."

Hackett nodded gravely, the frown on his face clear despite the static in the communications. "I don't need to remind you that retrieving that intel is of high importance."

"Yes, sir. I...we..." How could she tell him that Kai Leng had disappeared without a trace and they had no idea where to start looking?

The admiral raised a hand to cut her off. Shepard fell silent. "But. I'm not contacting you just to remind you of a mission gone wrong. How are you and your crew holding up?"

She blinked, taken aback by the unexpected question. "Sir?"

"How are you and the Normandy's crew holding up, Commander? I know you're being pushed to your limits by trying to broker peace between the different races, and you've done an amazing job so far. Getting the krogan and the turians to set aside their differences after a thousand years of animosity is no small feat, and then you convince the geth and quarians to play nice. I don't know how you managed it."

Those had been successes, but with the defeat on Thessia and the look of Liara lying on her bed still fresh on her mind, it was hard to remind herself that she had been the arbitrator of events that no one had thought possible. "I...We're ready to go wherever you need us, Admiral."

"Good." Hackett's look softened a bit, or was that the swimming feeling behind her eyes? "Because your next stop is the Citadel."

"Of course, Admiral. Who do I need to speak to?"

"No one. I'm sending you and your crew there for repairs and shore leave."

Ferik stared at him. "...shore leave, sir? But, Cerberus just took important intel and-"

Hackett cut her off. "I'm well aware that Cerberus has the upper hand right now. I suspect you've been pushing yourself, and I can't imagine that Dr. T'Soni is handling the losses on Thessia any better than the rest of us."

"Sir, we can be where you need us. Colonies. Homeworlds. Just give the order and we'll be there."

Hackett's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe you understand, Commander. This**_is_** an order. The Normandy is in need of repairs. You've been playing tag with Reapers across a dozen systems and I want to make sure that your ship is in the best shape possible before sending you against Cerberus. You all need to be well-rested, and the circles under your eyes tell me that you are anything but."

"I..." It was an order, and one did not simply disobey a direct order from an Admiral without damn good cause. "I'll let the crew know, sir."

"Good. I've been asked to relay the coordinates of Anderson's apartment on the Citadel to you. I believe he wished to speak with you via vidchat when you arrived. Is there anything you wished to relay to me or ask about?"

She shook her head, still reeling from the unexpected turn in the conversation. "No, sir."

"Rest up for a few days while the Normandy undergoes repairs, then get out there and make Cerberus regret ever tangling with you." Hackett smiled briefly. "Hackett out."

Ferik saluted the hologram before it faded out, leaving her in a quiet comm room with her thoughts. Forced shore leave. That was a first. She took a deep breath and let it out, composing herself. It would be nice to take a few days off, if the war would leave her be for that long.


	2. Chapter 2

_She took a few minutes to breathe after asking EDI to gather the important crew members in the CIC. The wall of the comm room was cold to the touch, and it felt good against her skin. The idea of giving up right now left a bad taste in her mouth, but she needed to make sure the rest of the crew was on board with the idea._

_"The crew has gathered, Commander," EDI reported over the ship comms._

_"Thank you." _

_Ferik pushed off of the wall, took a deep breath, and stepped through the hissing opening. Her eyes sought out Liara first; the asari looked strained and exhausted. If anyone could use the shore leave, it would be Liara. _

_Eyes were on her as she cleared her throat. "Admiral Hackett has ordered us to the Citadel for mandatory shore leave and repairs."_

_"What?!" Vega was the first to speak up. "We get our asses handed to us once, and it's 'good job, walk it off at the Citadel'? That's bullshit, Commander, and you know it. We should go hit Cerberus where it hurts right now! Kick them in the balls first for a change!"_

_"You know what? I'm with James." Shepard slowly descended the stairs to circle the heads-up display. "You know where they're hiding, Vega?"_

_Vega's anger faltered as those green eyes met his. He looked away, shaking his head. _

_"What about you, Garrus? Any ideas?" The turian shook his head. _

_"Does -anyone- know where these bastards are hiding? We can't exactly chase a ghost, people. Unless any of you have a clue where they might be, we're following orders and putting in at the Citadel, regardless of how any of us might feel about it."_

_"I...erm. Well, there is something." Every head in the room turned towards the comm officer, Specialist Traynor, who shifted nervously under the attention, wringing her hands. _

_"Let's hear it, Traynor." Ferik encouraged._

_"I was able to track Kai Leng's shuttle through the relay and extrapolate his destination." Her fingers flew over the keyboard, pulling up the galaxy map. "But, the signal disappeared in the Yarra system."_

_"Naturally." Shepard sighed._

_"It's...not just gone, though. The signal is being actively blocked."_

_This was news. "How?" _

_"I'm not sure. But something is interfering with all signal activity in that region of space." _

_"Commander." EDI spoke up. "The Yarra system is home to Sanctuary and little else. Sanctuary is a supposed safe haven for war refugees."_

_"You think it's worth checking out, Traynor?"_

_Specialist Traynor straightened, bringing her hands behind her back. "Yes ma'am, I do. But...aren't we supposed to be going to the Citadel for mandatory shore leave?"_

_Ferik shook her head. "We don't know how long this information will be accurate. One scouting mission to see what's going on here, and then we can have shore leave. I'll send a message to Hackett en route. If he wants to court-martial me after the fact, I'll gladly stand trial."_

_EDI spoke up again. "If Specialist Traynor hadn't examined the data so thoroughly, the interference would have been undetectable."_

_"Nice work, Traynor. You've given us a shot. Let's not waste it. I'd prefer to not get chewed out by the Admiral for nothing." _

_"It's...a slim lead. Let's hope it's the right one." Liara's voice was shaking a bit. _

_"I'll take a slim lead over none. EDI, you and Joker set a course for Sanctuary. Everyone else, dismissed."_

_Ferik waited until everyone had cleared the room before heading down to the third floor to grab two plates of food. Liara was in her office when the Spectre walked in, staring at the numerous data feeds._

_"Hungry?" _

_The asari shook her head. "Following leads that my agents have given me."_

_"You need to eat, Liara. When was the last time you had a meal?"_

_"I don't remember." The tapping of fingers on keys was interrupted when Ferik captured her hands. The asari looked up, swallowing hard. _

_"Shepard..." _

_"You do realize that when we take shore leave, that means all of us, including you," Ferik murmured, gently pulling her out of her seat. _

_"That's even more reason for me to get whatever work I can done now."_

_"No, that's even more reason for you to eat something now." Liara didn't fight as the Spectre guided her over to her bed before handing her a plate. _

_"I...suppose I could eat." _

_Shepard smiled. "That's the asari I know and love." She took a seat next to her before taking a bite of her own food. "Besides, I wanted to see if you'd come with us to Sanctuary."_

_Liara paused mid-bite. "You want me on the ground team? After what happened on Thessia?"_

_"Thessia wasn't your fault, Liara. And yes, I want you on the ground team. I figured if anyone needs the chance to punch Cerberus right where it hurts, it's you."_

_"I seem to remember you telling me that revenge is the type of thing that gets people killed," Liara murmured, giving the Spectre a sidelong glance._

_"It is. But we're not getting revenge. We're seeing what's going on in this sector of space and hopefully gathering a bit more intel. Then, we're going to take our shore leave like good little soldiers, rest up, and then make the Illusive Man regret ever spending a dime to bring me back to life."_

_The ghost of a smile flickered across the asari's face, prompting her to elbow Shepard lightly in the ribs. "You are making me feel better about handing your body over to them the first time."_

_Ferik chuckled softly. "Let's hope there isn't more than that first time. Being part machine is already jarring enough."_

The Spectre shook her head, leaving the memory behind as she felt the familiar docking clamps latch onto the Normandy's hull. It was going to be hard, leaving the ship in someone else's hands for a few days while everyone took some time off at the Citadel.

As she had predicted, Hackett had not been pleased with her side trip to Sanctuary. Most of the trip back was spent in the comm room being dressed down for blatantly ignoring an order from a superior officer. Both of them knew Shepard was the best person to track down Cerberus, but Hackett had made it abundantly clear that if there were any more 'delays' from the shore leave, he would personally see to it that the Spectre would relearn the military ranks from the ground up, including her N7 designation.

She shouldered her duffel, shifting her weight from foot to foot impatiently.

"And here I thought you'd be looking forward to some downtime, Lola," a voice commented behind her. She didn't even need to turn around to know that Vega was grinning at her.

"I can take downtime when the war's over," she grumbled. James moved in front of her, studying her features.

"Come on. Don't be like that. It'll be good for you, taking some time off. Heard you're getting an apartment on the Citadel."

Ferik raised an eyebrow. "It's not my apartment, it's Anderson's. He wants me to look after it for him. I'm supposed to take a rapid transit shuttle over there."

"Do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars?" Vega quipped.

"What?"

"Sorry. Old Earth game. My dad had a thing for 'em. Need any help taking your stuff over?"

"It's shore leave, not like I'm moving in." The hissing of the airlock caught Vega's attention, and when he turned to say something else, the Spectre had disappeared.

"Oh come on, Lola! Tactical cloak is cheating!" he wailed.

Ferik waited until she had cleared the docks before deactivating the cloak and jogging over to the nearest terminal. Getting a lecture from Vega about the wonders of relaxation was not something she had signed up for, even if the other soldier was a good sparring partner.

When the taxi arrived, she tossed in the duffel bag, taking one last longing look at the Normandy before flopping down into the seat. It would have been nice to have her lover along, but Liara had said she wanted to take care of a few things before they booted her off the ship. Knowing the asari, those 'few things' probably involved sending out all available field agents, locking down her terminal with heavy encryption, and coordinating with EDI and Glyph to have any important data sent to her immediately.

Shepard sighed. Liara would probably take this shore leave about as well as she was. Both of them had been involved in their work to the exclusion of almost everything around them, including their relationship, after Thessia had been attacked. Ferik had tried to convince herself that it was because Liara just needed some time alone, but the sting of losing key intel to Kai Leng still hadn't gone away.

"Why did it have to be Thessia?" she asked the empty taxi car. "Out of all the damn worlds that we had to lose to Cerberus, why did it have to be the asari homeworld?"

There was no reply. She wasn't expecting one.

Garrus had gotten onto her about her sleep habits - well, lack of them - after Tuchanka. Ferik just growled that she would sleep when she was dead. She had also started making her own food after that. The last thing she needed was for someone to slip sleeping pills in her meal again because they thought they were helping.

The taxi beep brought her out of her thoughts.

"Alright, let's see what's going on." She dragged her duffel out of the car and nearly dropped it.

No one had warned her about Silversun Strip. It was as if the war didn't exist here. There were lights everywhere, flashing their wares. People moved up and down the strip, in groups, in couples, by themselves, in various states of dress. No one seemed concerned about anything in particular. It was mind-boggling.

"Ma'am?"

A touch on her arm had reflexes kicking in. Her fingers had curled about the forearm and she was halfway through the motion of a throw when her mind caught up with her. Ferik froze, following the blue-skinned arm up to an exposed shoulder and an asari who had clearly not expected this sort of reaction.

"I...uh." Shepard cleared her throat, releasing the woman's arm and rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. "Sorry."

"That's...quite alright. You are Commander Shepard, yes?"

Ferik blinked. "Yes, that's me. Why?"

The asari smiled. "I was told to await your arrival here." She held out a card. "This is the key to Admiral Anderson's apartment. The front desk can answer any questions you might have about the complex or Silversun Strip. Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like a map of the area with attractions?"

"I... I'll just stick with looking at the apartment for now, thanks."

"As you wish, Commander Shepard." The asari bowed. "Welcome to Tiberius Towers. We hope you enjoy your stay."

Ferik watched her disappear into the crowds, lost in thought for a few moments. It was jarring to go from fighting a war to having downtime. She wasn't sure if she knew how to slow down and just enjoy the moment, and she wasn't entirely convinced others of the crew knew how to either. Garrus and Tali had been rather reluctant to leave behind the engines of the Normandy, and if EDI hadn't possessed a robotic body to travel with, not even the Reapers could have gotten Joker to leave the ship.

But maybe everything would be okay. Maybe this time would be just what the crew needed. Or, at the very least, maybe she could convince herself of that. Ferik inhaled deeply, shifting the weight of her pack on her shoulders, and headed into Tiberius Towers to see where her home base would be for the next week.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm still alive, I promise! This chapter was a bit of a pain to play with as far as pacing, so it may be a bit rough around the edges. I do not know when I'm going to get around to writing the rest of this, as life seems to have thrown me a curveball lately, but as always I appreciate you taking the time to read my stories. If you want to leave a review, that's even better. 3


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